Posts

We weren't ready for the internet

  Busy  couple of weeks, work-wise. Wrote a 6k sales page (as a test!) for a prospect ( supps  brand). A grind to  write,  but fun.  Will  lead to regular work if they like it enough. Work that could be a burn-out grind—and not even well paid up front—but it would be fun short-term , and the  prospect of a new client, rapid experience, discipline development (they want weekly pages shipping), and REVENUE SHARE has me thinking it would be  good  for the short/medium term. We’ll see how it goes soon enough. Found some  good , nuanced political philosophy sources that are proving an effective antidote to the main media outlets and their sensationalist war/geopolitics coverage… all fighting for clicks with silly, oversimplified, extreme takes. Best ignored. I’ve been  making a conscious effort  to STAY OFF MY PHONE this week.  Amazing  how much better it feels. My head feels  clearer , and I feel more in control of myself. The phone habit has a subtle, insidious, degrading effect on the se
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Unplugging from the algorithm

  Been listening to a classic soft rock radio station on Amazon Music. Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, (lots of) Elton John. It’s  a good  way to detach and take the edge off reality. For all the supposed benefits and convenience of on-demand streaming, there’s a huge downside: it’s predictable.  There  no  chance something  just  happens to come on that you’d never choose to watch or listen to  but  it turns out you enjoy.  At least with the radio, there’s surprise and spontaneity. There’s a refreshing lack of  strategising  or control.  You can  just  go with the flow.  And who’s done that since the 90s without feeling guilty? Took the boys to the village play park this afternoon. It was so  nice . There was only one baby swing, so Ansel let Zen use it  and  he went on the big boy swing for the first time. Felt wholesome. Seems like ages since we’ve been able to do something outdoors because it’s rained almost non-stop for three months. The fields are all flooded when you drive around. Still
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Bad food, good morning

  Beautiful morning with mist hanging  right  on the horizon and the sun slowly, steadily, silently burning through it. Woke  in  the night feeling ill. Bad food.  The  chicken in yesterday’s stir fry  had been  in the freezer too long , I think .  Got to ride it out today. Still  no  new clients.  Starting to get a little anxious.  Need  to  considerably  scale my outreach and get people on calls.   Still,  beautiful  day with the boys ahead.
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I miss my pre-internet brain

  Zen said  Ansel’s  name for the first time this morning. Ansel hid under his covers when Zen came into their room. Zen was super excited to find him when he lifted  up  the covers and delightedly squealed  “ Ansel ”  while pointing at him. It was so cute. Then he walked off, came back, and  gave him a hug  (which Ansel reciprocated)—that was even cuter! Been reading Generation X for the first time. (Why did I leave it so long?!)  It’s  great. Reminds me of how good Microserfs was—not that I can remember it.  I think I donated my original hardback copy  of it  to charity last month (it sat on my shelf untouched for almost thirty years, then a month after giving it away, I  decide  I  want  to  read it again —what are the chances  of that?!).  So,  I’ve  ordered a second-hand paperback copy to re-read soon.  Like me, Coupland thinks a lot about the impact of the internet on the world (and on humans). He straddles the pre-internet and post-internet cultural chasm like me. Watched a few
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The Generation Game

  Ansel’s swimming class was cancelled (second week in a row), so we went to library  then joined to  public swim an hour later. There was a young family there—parents in their twenties, uneducated, with a baby girl and a boy slightly older than A. The boy obviously didn’t have much experience in the water, and he was clearly scared. But his frustrated parents (particularly his dad), instead of reassuring him and making him feel safe, were making things worse and creating additional pressure by  saying  “Stop being silly, stop panicking, put your feet on the floor.”  They no doubt meant well, but it wasn’t helpful, and the poor kid was so upset. He kept asking to stand on the steps, but his parents weren’t hearing him. It was hard to watch.  I felt so sorry for that poor kid because he wasn’t doing anything wrong—he  just  wasn’t meeting his  parents  expectations, and they were not  being supportive at all .   And you  just  know he has to deal with this same problem in other areas  o
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Bitter/Sweet thoughts

Made the mistake of reading the news this week. Depressing as all hell. War everywhere—in increasing quantities.  And  of   course  the media spin it up sensationally to get clicks.  All superficial analysis, sound bites, and clickbait headlines about impending conscription and Total War. Still sickening to think about, regardless of how irrational it all is.  It  made for  not a good week.  Had  a knot in my stomach and an impending sense of dread and unease.  Bit  my nails to the quick and struggled to get much work done. I look at my sweet, innocent boys and struggle to fathom how people can be so cruel as to inflict war on one another.  To send others off to die on their behalf while they stay out of the way selling lies to get  people   onside .  For what? Pathetic, small-minded, and sickening.  Why can’t people work together for  the  benefit  of everyone ?  What’s all this zero-sum life and  death stakes  game for? It makes no sense. Finally  found  some more rational analysis o
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Stay Frosty

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Beautiful, crisp winter morning. Took a walk round the village after dropping the kids at nursery. Everywhere covered in frost under a bright blue sky. Golden light. Yesterday, I felt like I’d been run over by a bus. Today, a supreme sense of wellbeing.  The boys are growing up so fast. Ansel now waits in the car when I go to the shop rather than clinging to me the whole way around. Zen is trying to walk down the stairs by himself (he can do it with help). His speech is coming on strong. This morning, once I’d dressed him in the bedroom, he pointed to the floor and said, clear as day. “downstairs.” Incredible for a 15 month old.  Moving the boys into a shared room has gone better than expected. Zen wakes up and cries (and cries) but settles himself until about 3-4am, when he comes in with us. Ansel is sleeping through the night until about 6:30, then goes back to sleep if I get in with him. Doesn’t even wake when his brother cries at the top of his lungs most of the time.  They’re so a
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