An Idea Some Day

It's 10:20pm. I'm writing this sitting on a stool in the dining room while I roast coffee for the morning. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be asleep in a hotel bed in Amsterdam. Except I got bumped from my afternoon flight because it was oversubscribed. Apparently airlines can legally sell more tickets for a flight than the number of seats on the plane—on the assumption that one or two people won't turn up and the airline can occasionally keep the extra fare. Seems like a screwy rule to me. Doesn't benefit the customer. And no way could you do this at the theatre or a sporting event. But apparently it's okay for flights. The mind boggles. And when they oversell a flight? Well it's first come, first served. And it so happened that I was last in line today. Online check-in didn't work for me. And my satnav took me to a carpark 16 miles from the airport, adding 30 mins to my journey time. So I was persona non grata when I got to...

Woke up to a message from the supplement company asking me to write their emails. They’re asking a lot and paying little, but I said yes just to see where it goes.  Somehow ended up watching poker and Elliot Hulse videos today. Like jumping back in time a decade. Also watched an interesting video titled “how long will you postpone yourself?” And another on how you occasionally need to revisit parts of yourself you discarded in the past in order to move forwards. It resonated. Seems like the universe (or the YT algo, at least) is trying to tell me something.  Productive day on the computer. Wrote a will. Good day.

Birthday yesterday. 46. Approaching 50, but still feel super young (though maybe not physically). Cold, grey day. Woke early and sleepily watched Zen watching Yakka Dee in bed while everyone slept. He’s so great. Such a nice soul. Gave myself the day off. Everyone else preoccupied so I had the day to myself. Went to the designer outlet. Was kinda excited until I got there, then instantly realised it wasn’t as great a way to spend the day as I imagined. Didn’t buy anything. Had lunch alone in Wagamamas. Felt silly being alone.  It’s funny, bc when I’m immersed in things I enjoy on my own, I’m in my element. And I always used to like my own company while being out and about. I thought that was just who I was. But yesterday told me it ain’t so. Maybe some of my contentment in being alone was a reaction to being in a work environment most days. Or maybe it’s just different now I have a family.  Whatever, it felt so silly being there in my own and I’d have much rather had the fam i...

First warm day of the year. Feels like spring. The boys are both sleeping well currently, which has led to some nice family moments. I'm waking up in our bed most mornings. Sometimes zen is there, sometimes not. But A now sleeps through, wakes in his own bed, then quietly comes into our room and cuddles with us. It's lush sleepily starting the day with all four of us in bed together. Saturday just gone (it's Wednesday today) began like that and ended with us all sitting at the table for a family meal when I picked up fish and chips on the way home from Ansel's swimming.  And the boys are getting better at playing together. The last two Wednesdays at soft play, Ansel has bumped into nursery friends and played so well with them. Played hide and seek with a girl called Martha today. We all left the session together and they held hands the whole way through the garden centre and hugged in the carpark when they said goodbye. Just adorable. Zen is as happy-go-lucky as ever. C...

  Busy  couple of weeks, work-wise. Wrote a 6k sales page (as a test!) for a prospect ( supps  brand). A grind to  write,  but fun.  Will  lead to regular work if they like it enough. Work that could be a burn-out grind—and not even well paid up front—but it would be fun short-term , and the  prospect of a new client, rapid experience, discipline development (they want weekly pages shipping), and REVENUE SHARE has me thinking it would be  good  for the short/medium term. We’ll see how it goes soon enough. Found some  good , nuanced political philosophy sources that are proving an effective antidote to the main media outlets and their sensationalist war/geopolitics coverage… all fighting for clicks with silly, oversimplified, extreme takes. Best ignored. I’ve been  making a conscious effort  to STAY OFF MY PHONE this week.  Amazing  how much better it feels. My head feels  clearer , and I feel more in control...

  Been listening to a classic soft rock radio station on Amazon Music. Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, (lots of) Elton John. It’s  a good  way to detach and take the edge off reality. For all the supposed benefits and convenience of on-demand streaming, there’s a huge downside: it’s predictable.  There  no  chance something  just  happens to come on that you’d never choose to watch or listen to  but  it turns out you enjoy.  At least with the radio, there’s surprise and spontaneity. There’s a refreshing lack of  strategising  or control.  You can  just  go with the flow.  And who’s done that since the 90s without feeling guilty? Took the boys to the village play park this afternoon. It was so  nice . There was only one baby swing, so Ansel let Zen use it  and  he went on the big boy swing for the first time. Felt wholesome. Seems like ages since we’ve been able to do something outdoors because it...

  Beautiful morning with mist hanging  right  on the horizon and the sun slowly, steadily, silently burning through it. Woke  in  the night feeling ill. Bad food.  The  chicken in yesterday’s stir fry  had been  in the freezer too long , I think .  Got to ride it out today. Still  no  new clients.  Starting to get a little anxious.  Need  to  considerably  scale my outreach and get people on calls.   Still,  beautiful  day with the boys ahead.