Bitter/Sweet thoughts

Made the mistake of reading the news this week. Depressing as all hell. War everywhere—in increasing quantities. And of course the media spin it up sensationally to get clicks. All superficial analysis, sound bites, and clickbait headlines about impending conscription and Total War. Still sickening to think about, regardless of how irrational it all is. 

It made for not a good week. Had a knot in my stomach and an impending sense of dread and unease. Bit my nails to the quick and struggled to get much work done.

I look at my sweet, innocent boys and struggle to fathom how people can be so cruel as to inflict war on one another. To send others off to die on their behalf while they stay out of the way selling lies to get people onside. For what? Pathetic, small-minded, and sickening. Why can’t people work together for the benefit of everyone? What’s all this zero-sum life and death stakes game for? It makes no sense.

Finally found some more rational analysis of the power struggles at play tonight. Took the emotion out of it. Total war seems unlikely, despite what much of the media are saying. Still, the world is entering a complex, challenging phase that will likely last a long time. I fear there are many dark years ahead.

Took the old futon mattress I shared with Ansel for two years to the tip today. Tinge of emotion as I threw it in the skip and looked at it laying there with other mattress and discarded matter like it was nothing. So many memories of cuddling my first son on it and falling asleep together. That boy is so sweet. I love him so much.

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